Atheists Just Want to Sin

Oh, hey, Bob.

I was meaning to ask you, what church do you go to?

Oh, I actually don't go to church.

I'm an atheist.

I don't believe in God.

Yeah, right.

You don't believe because you just want to keep sinning.

But... You got me.

It's true.

How did you know?

How did you figure it out?

Superior logic and reason, that's how.

It just makes sense that someone would try to avoid consequences by choosing to disbelieve.

That is one smart theist.

Well... What he doesn't know is that he's onto something big.

Really big.

Oh?

Yep.

The big atheist's secret is that they don't just choose to disbelieve in me in order to avoid consequences, but they also choose to disbelieve in other things that obviously exist, just to avoid the consequences.

Because that makes so much sense and would clearly be highly effective, right?

Yep.

You know, it's odd that I haven't noticed this.

Can you possibly give me some examples, Scott?

But of course, Jeffrey.

I'd only be too happy to.

Look, the police response time to this bank is pretty fast.

Route 77 is usually pretty heavily patrolled by staties, and there's a donut shop two blocks to the north, so we're pretty much screwed.

If we really want to do this bank job, then the only viable option is to stop believing in cops.

Then we can steal all we want.

It's okay, baby.

We don't need a condom.

Just choose to not believe in gonorrhea.

Or children.

Hey, what's wrong?

Don't you want to skydive?

Yeah, but I'm scared.

Scared of what?

That my chute won't open.

It's okay.

Just stop believing in the ground.

Hey!

That's a good idea!

Thanks!

Now that I don't believe in the ground, I can skydive all I want!

Woohoo!

Hey!

You forgot your shoe!

Uh, we're in trouble.

What's up?

Uh, I forgot to refuel the plane.

Oh, is that all?

Look, don't worry.

Just stop believing in empty fuel tanks.

Uh, what kind of crack are you smoking?

Hey, listen, do you want to keep flying or not?

Uh, yeah?

Then just do it.

Uh, okay, uh, stopping belief in empty fuel tanks in three, two, one.

Uh, we're good.

And now we can fly all we want.