Gooner…

Hello, my name's Melvin.

I'm with the Big Brother program.

Oh yeah, you're Luke's friend for hire.

Sure, come on in.

Linda!

What are you doing?

Are you crazy?

This language is too stimulating, and we agreed no cute animals.

You know that will get Luke too... excited.

Jared, I just want Luke to have a nice day.

I know, honey.

I know.

You're such a good mom.

Oh, you must be from Big Brother.

Thank you for coming on such short notice.

I'm no stranger to spending birthdays alone, so I was more than happy to be here.

If you don't mind me asking, why can't Luke have animals on his banner?

Well, Luke gets a bit excited and becomes distracted.

Because he will furiously masturbate.

Jared!

What?

What am I going to do?

Lie to the guy?

Luke is addicted to masturbating.

There, I said it.

He calls it gooning.

It's a defense mechanism he picked up when his father left us ten or so years ago.

Defense mechanism, my ass.

I'm going to get started on his cake.

Why don't you show Melvin to Luke's room?

Okay, dear.

Yep, gonna do that.

I just...

Listen, get out of here while you still can.

It can't be that bad.

When my dad left our family, I... Look around you.

Everything is covered in his goon juice.

I've been married to Linda for five years.

And this condition has only gotten worse.

The kid's a lost cause.

I'm here for Luke.

And I'm not gonna leave.

Upstairs.

First door on the right.

I warned you.

uh

Hey, Luke.

Happy birthday, man.

Oh, my God!

What do you want?

Oh, God, I'm sorry.

I didn't... Just come in and shut the door.

I'm almost finished.

Sorry.

Needed to goon before my friends got here.

Today is a big day.

It's my 21st birthday.

And my dad's coming to get me, you see.

Wait.

Who are you?

I'm Melvin.

I'm with the Big Brother program.

Just here to hang out and help you celebrate your birthday.

God, I tell my mom so many times that the only guests I wanted were my friends.

But that dickhead Jared said that they were a bad influence on me.

Stupid dumbass.

I fucking hate him.

Well, I'm here to hang.

You want to play a video game or you want to...

Don't say video games.

I need to stay focused for when my friends get here.

Just in time.

Quick, Melvin, watch the door.

Make sure that parasite doesn't come in here.

What are you doing?

Just keep your voice down and watch the door, okay?

Hey, what the hell was that?

Fuck off, Jared!

You're not my dad!

Did you bring it?

Of course.

Good luck today, Luke.

We are all rooting for you.

Finally.

Whoa.

Is that a snow globe?

No, you fool!

It's a goon sphere.

My dad transcended to another dimension when I was younger.

I know this because when I gooned, I've been able to speak with him.

And as I've gotten older, the connection has only become stronger.

He shows me visions for another world.

A world he wants to take me to.

I can leave this place and finally be with him.

He never wanted to leave.

He had to light the way for us so we could live together forever.

He would never leave me.

You believe me, right, Melvin?

That my dad would never just leave me, right?

Melvin, right?

Melvin, Melvin, right?

That my dad would never just leave?

That he's not like a bad guy, right, Melvin?

Melvin, right?

Yeah, I believe you, Luke.

You know, my dad left when I was young, and I never... Good!

Because there's something I need from you, Melvin.

One big birthday gift from you to me.

What is it?

I need you to get me a nudie magazine from Jared's closet.

Oh, Luke, man, I...

I can't do that.

I... Melvin!

Melvin, please.

I need a strong stimulant to arouse the powers that lie inside my fragile body.

It's the only way the Goon Sphere can be activated to open the doorway between this world and my father's.

Please, Melvin.

You're the only person that believes me.

Fine.

I'll help.

Yay!

Yes, we... Oh, it's tender.

Jared's room.

In the closet.

There's a yellow shoebox.

That's where he keeps them.

Please, Melvin, hurry.

I don't have much time.

Oh, Jared, hey.

Sorry, I must have gotten lost trying to find the bathroom in your house.

I'm infertile, you know.

Say what?

I always wanted a son, but couldn't have one of my own.

God bless me with a beautiful wife and a new family.

But this is the son he gave me?

I wanted to be a father so bad.

But that thing in there is no son.

Just spilling his seed all over the house.

Calling out to a father who abandoned him at all hours of the night.

It's not the boy mocking me.

It's God.

Another one of God's practical jokes.

What the fuck is wrong with this family?

Did you find it?

Please tell me you found it.

Please.

Luke, when my dad left when I was younger, it destroyed me.

I would look for any escape from the pain I felt, but nothing would fill that empty feeling.

This is all I could find.

Yes.

Oh, my God.

Yes.

Okay, this will do.

Oh, good looking.

Pruney and juicy, just like I like it.

Well, I'm going to help your mom while you're doing that.

No, Melvin, don't leave.

Jesus Christ.

I get more aroused when people watch.

It excites me.

No, that's okay.

Oh.

God, I told you.

Luke, this is incredible.

Tell my mother that I'm going home.

Hey, you can't leave.

You don't even know what's in there.

Don't lose faith in me now, Melvin.

If your father was on the other side of this door, would you hesitate for even a moment to be with him?

Goodbye, Marvin.

Luke!

Come downstairs!

Okay, okay, okay.

Come on, birthday boy!

Can you just tell him to put his thing away and come down here?

Well, I... Melvin, go get Luke.

Tell him his father's here.

Melvin?

Where is Luke?

He's... Oh my god, oh my god!

Melvin?

So where's the kid?

Kinda wanted to get some shots going.

Well, he said he was talking to you when he was masturbating.

Uh-huh.

Well, I'll catch him on his 40th.

Did he do it?

Did he do it?

Do what?

Do what?

The goon plane.

Did he make it to the goon plane?

Luke, where'd you go?

He's gone.

I think he ran away.

My God, he did it.

He's in a goon plane.

Goon plane?

What is that?

Where is he flying?

No, he opened up a portal.

He said he was going to visit his father.

Jared, what does this mean?

It means Luke has ascended.

He walks with angels now.

David, open it back up.

I don't know how to.

We could.

There's enough energy still left in the goon sphere from Wilk's goon session.

And even as lesser gooning shamans, we should be able to open the portal.

Boys, man your positions.

Oh.

Melvin, what are you doing?

I'm going to get Luke.

Alright, Luke, here we come.

Jared, you can't!

I'm going to get your son.

What is this nightmare?

Okay, the goon plane.

Wow, it's even more beautiful than I could have imagined.

That must be where Luke is.

He told us visions of the goon tower before.

What is that?

What is that?

Oh my god, what is that?

Run!

Run!

Oh, my God.

Ah!

Ah!

Let Luke go, you son of a bitch!

Luke!

Luke, look at me!

He could hear you.

He is in Gunvana.

His mind is evolving rapidly.

Don't you dare turn him into one of those freaks!

I wouldn't turn him into such a lower life vessel.

His powers are far too valuable for that.

I could sense Luke from eons away.

I called to him, and he answered.

He will be reborn as a higher life form, taken to my side as a son, a being of pure pleasure.

Luke!

Wake up!

Wake up, Luke!

Luke!

I don't know if you can hear me, but if you can, I need you to know you're my son!

You've always been my son.

Since the moment I joined your family, and you can't blame yourself for your father leaving.

Sometimes, sometimes life just deals you a shithand.

Blood or not, you will always be my son.

The others were much faster.

I don't know why they took so long.

Your power, it grows.

Release my dead!

His flicker going so fast that I can't even see his hands move.

That's so hot.

This is a fight you cannot win.

Abandon your earthly ties and face my power.

I found what I've been looking for.

And your power isn't one of them.

I've been doing this for so long.

Open the good portal!

Get out of here!

I'll hold him off!

You will have to help me.

I can't open the portal on my own.

Dad!

Get out of here!

I'm here with you, son.

It's open!

Come on!

No!

Now!

Let's go, Dad!

You will not deny my power!

No!

You will come back to me, Nick!

Stay away from my son!

Oh, no!

She's taking your being!

Like that?

Big ol' piece of lamby-tamby ball, can I get?

Looks like a piece of chewed-up bubble gum!

I love you, Dad!

I love you, son!

I'm so happy!

I love you, Linda!

Happy birthday, Luke!

It's my birthday!

I'm so happy!

Melvin.

Get your ass in here, Melvin.

There's so much closer together!

I fucking love you guys!

You're my 21-year-old baby boy!

You're my dad!

You're my dad and I'm your boy!