HELLUVA BOSS - APOLOGY TOUR // S2: Episode 9

Hello, hello, hello, Stolas.

You haven't been answering my texts, and I sent you a bunch of funny shit, so what gives?

I was hoping my lack of ha-has in response to the photos you sent would be an indicator I didn't want to talk right now.

Oh, come on, Stolas.

We just had a rough night.

Besides, you always want to hear from me.

Blitz, what is it you want?

I want to feel like I'm earning my way to Earth.

Okay, so get your tight, feathered ass out of that lawn chair and into the bedroom so I can fuck it.

Wow, poetry.

I'm sure such a statement would have had me swooning by now.

Uh, yeah, sure.

Okay, that was a shitty way for me to say it, but you usually like it when I talk all dirty and fucky and shit.

Come on, we don't do words.

We do sex.

As shocking as this might seem, Blitz, I don't think I'm in the mood to do sex with you.

In fact, I don't think I'm even in the mood to do words with you.

So how about you respect that?

Oh, come on, Stolas.

You can't mean that.

You always love seeing this.

Seeing you right now is hard.

I don't want to feel worse than I already do.

It's bad enough I got an invite to this anti-blitzo party, an honorary invite for being your freshest ex.

Anti-blitzo party?

Who the fuck's behind this?

Oh, it's entirely immature.

I'd never indulge this nonsense.

It's silly.

Real silly.

Real fucking classy.

Kind of them to invite me, though.

It might be rude not to make an appearance.

Verossica!

Of course, that fucking bitch.

I will say, it's rather concerning you have an entire party devoted to hating you, though, Blitz.

Oh, please, everyone hates me for shitty reasons.

In the end, everyone's just bitter they couldn't tie this ass down.

I'm too much imp to simp.

You really think that's the reason?

Yes, sir, they couldn't handle that I moved on.

Oh, so you're used to being the one who crushes others' feelings, hmm?

If by crushes others' feelings you mean in shit before it gets serious, then bingo, I'm doing everyone a favor because relationships are boring.

Oh, yes, very boring.

So what are you doing here, then?

Waiting for you to realize how good an angry fuck would be right now.

Get out.

Right now.

What?

I'm tired of this.

I'm uncomfortable with how you're speaking to me now.

Oh, come on, Stolas.

You can't tell me this isn't a fantasy of yours.

You want me to show your rich, princey ass what a real fucking is.

Stop it.

Ha!

I'm right, aren't I?

You get off to getting plowed by people you look down on.

I don't look down on you.

How many times do I...

When have I ever... You speak just like that vile striker friend of yours, the one who tried to kill me and you couldn't be bothered to come help me.

Remember him?

Hey, I do not sound like... And I didn't know he was capable.

I stopped him the first time, didn't I?

The first time?

Yeah, the... Oh.

Oops.

I... No, who said that?

I... You knew someone was trying to assassinate me?

I stopped him, and I really didn't think you could actually get hurt.

You're immortal and shit.

You're a fucking prince.

If me and my team could kick that guy's ass that easily, then I'm sure you'd have no problem.

I suppose you are right.

Silly me.

It's not an imp's place to protect a Goetia, is it?

And there it is.

Took you long enough.

That's all you were waiting for, wasn't it?

For me to play into this idea you have of me, that I'm this prince who thinks he's so much better than you.

Well, I don't.

Why would I allow everyone to see how much I like you, how I've tried so fucking hard to spend time with you, to support you?

You don't owe me those things, but you can't just ignore all that.

You know, Stolas, I spent the entirety of this morning listening to love ballads.

And that was still the gayest thing I've heard all day!

Do you feel any kind of remorse for what you do?

Have you ever even apologized once in your life?

Oh, you think I can't apologize?

For what?

You want me to be like, oh, sorry this entire time.

I assumed the worst because I was convinced a prince could never love someone like me and I've let my self-hatred stop me from apologizing to anyone I could never care about.

Well, yes, that.

Well, fuck you!

I can sorry the fuck out of people, just you watch!

I sorried Fizz so hard he cried!

And I can sorry more people, everyone but you, because I don't owe you dick!

Everyone but you.

I can totally apologize to the people I've fucked with.

I mean, how many could there possibly be?

Yes?

Oh.

It's you.

Hey, Martha.

Look, I know we killed you in the past, but I just wanted to say no hard feelings and offer this.

Yeah, that's fucking right.

All right, and now on to the exes, who are all in one place.

Yay.

Hey, buddy.

You know where 666 South Maple Avenue might be?

Down that way, demon dude.

Sick costume, bro.

Hey, happy Halloween.

Oh, looks like you missed some makeup there.

Thanks.

It's my face.

The one day a year the spirits can rise amongst the living, and it's spent celebrating mutual pettiness.

The what?

Oh, nothing.

I was talking to myself.

Cool, man.

I wish I was you.

Hello, freshest eggs!

Stolas!

How are you doing, baby?

You holding up okay?

Oh, I'm fine.

I felt it rude not to stop by.

I don't get invited out much, but I really shouldn't stay long.

Well, I'm glad you can make it, honey.

Well, this certainly beats the last Earth party I attended on Hallow's Eve.

So last.

I was told there would be cake.

Speaking of cake, you wanna slice it?

Oh!

I like to start at the neck.

Or the dick.

You're right.

Nobody wants his dick anyway.

I think I'm content without slicing any of it.

Well, live it up, baby.

You are with friends here.

Fuck Blitzo in the fucking ass!

Yeah.

Wow, have I fucked this many people?

Christ on a stick, I should start keeping count.

Sorry for the comment I made at your sister's wedding, though she did deserve it, she's a whore.

Sorry for fucking your mom, thought I thought it was your dad.

Hi!

He did it.

Way to go, Dennis.

You fucking suck.

Yeah, you suck, Dennis.

Now, it's time to hear from the special new guest of honor of the night, Stolas.

Get up here and say a few words.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm not really, um, I really shouldn't.

Tell us all about your experience with Blitzo, that cock-sucking motherfucker.

Come on, baby, speak from your heart.

We all here know how you feel.

Um, ooh.

Um...

I let you get too close I let it go too far Now I know, now I know, now I know exactly what you are

I don't think you meant to hurt me.

Cause I don't think it meant a thing at all.

At all, at all, at all.

At all, at all, at all.

At all, at all, to you.

Na, na, na, na, na.

The motherfucker Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah The motherfucker I let it go too long I let you go too deep Now I know, now I know, now I know There's one thing I can't keep But I, I keep on waiting Waiting to want you less than I do Than I do, oh I do, yes I still do

But maybe it's all on me For missing every sign And every glance And every turn No, no, no, he's a motherfucker Maybe there's something here For us to glean For you to teach And me to try to learn No, no, no, he's a motherfucker Cause darling, you're the thief

What if I came on too strong?

What if I read this too wrong?

What if we just don't belong?

All this what if, what if, what if, what if, what if, what if, why, why, why, why, why, why makes me burn.

Thank you for your time.

All right, bitches!

Let's get wild!

Lit!

What are you doing here?

You're lucky everyone is drunk, or you would be murdered right now.

Ah, no, it's good.

I'm in a disguise.

I've never seen you throw them back like this.

Came just to judge me, is that it?

No, I just...

This was the final stop on the apology tour I've been on today.

Oh, yes, I recall.

Everyone but me is getting your cheap apologies tonight.

Well, you certainly have your work cut out for you.

Look, how I acted this morning, it was fucked, okay?

This morning?

Ugh, why did you show up there?

Why did you show up here?

You already asked that, but look, I just really need to talk to you to explain.

Oh?

I've always been real shit at saris, okay?

They're for pussies, and no one fucking deserves them anyway, but I felt like maybe you actually needed one.

Oh, lucky me!

Oh, shit.

Okay, what I mean is, I said sorry a lot today, and honestly, didn't really mean any of it, because the only one I wanted to say it to was you, Stoles.

I just, this whole thing we had going, I mean, you're a fucking prince.

How could you ever actually care for an imp?

Me.

How could anybody?

Blitz!

There is a crowd full of people here who care so much, they throw an entire fucking party about hating you every year.

Do you know how much you have to care to do something as stupid as that?

Stolas, you are better off without me, okay?

You deserve so much.

I don't even know why you would want to be with me.

You want to know what I want?

I want to know what it's like to not be alone.

I want to be someone's someone.

I want to feel wanted.

But like, in a romantic way, like I'm standing out in the rain at a train station and someone is shouting, Harriet, don't get on that train.

It's going to London and I cannot be without you.

Oh, Stolas, that's a rom-com.

Oh, fuck you.

point is i just want someone to care if i stay or go i want someone to want me to want to see me to hold me look at me and think you're the only one i want i desire to hold you and talk to you never let you feel so

You!

Why are you here?

I don't want you here.

Go home, please.

Let me not feel so sad.

Hey.

Oh, hello.

Great song earlier.

You have great pipes.

Thank you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He sings fantastic.

We're talking here.

Well, I just wanted to see if maybe, I don't know, you'd want to dance?

You want to dance with me?

Yeah.

Okay.

Hey, Ver.

So, an apology tour, huh?

You got a lot of balls coming here, Blitzo.

Yeah, I know.

Everyone here hates me.

Yep.

That's the point, dumbass.

So what, you're waiting for your sorry?

Oh, fuck you, you little prick.

Well, I'm sorry for always telling it like it is, sister.

Well, I'm just being honest.

I'm sorry for dumping you.

Sorry for not falling head over heels for you or that guy or fucking Dennis or anyone at this stupid fucking party.

Oh, you are so fucking shitty.

Do you hear yourself?

Everyone's shitty.

Hello, we live in hell.

Why am I all of a sudden the bad guy just for sucking at relationships?

Are you expecting sympathy?

Oh, poor Blitz.

Finally having to own that his actions affect other people's fee-fees.

Bitch, please.

How do you think I felt when the fun guy I was dating decided to just bail on me because I made the shitty mistake of saying I love...

It was the most embarrassing feeling to be vulnerable for once and you really just know how to send a message in the shittiest fucking way.

The worst part is you still make me feel like a bad person for being angry at you now.

But hosting this party for everyone else you've dicked over, at least I can help others cope with the shit you did.

What?

No snarky comeback?

No.

You're right.

I actually am, you know, sorry.

I don't want to be this way.

Not forever.

Looks like Stolas is having a good time.

Yeah, well, he needs it.

Oh, a really good time.

Oh, that bird-stealing cock back!

Hold it, Blitz.

You know, if you want a change, it just starts with saying, good for him.

Hope he gets laid.

Here, have some cake, fuckwad.

I always get whatever I want And I wanted, I wanted you So now I'm drawing circles in the sand Trying to understand how you do the things you do

Sometimes it still hurts a bit.

Sometimes I'm so full of shit.

But this much is true.

Maybe I'm not over it.

I'm over you.

I'm over you.

I'm over you.

I'm over you.

I'm over you.

I'm over you.

I got over you I got over you