Meatcanyon's Halloween Nightmare

Dude, when we get done raking these leaves, we should go watch a movie and order a pizza.

You read my mind.

Looking good, boys.

Looking very good indeed.

You both have done such a good job today.

Don't see why you couldn't give yourself a little reward, right?

Like the day off?

How about a gumball?

I don't think...

Unless...

Unless you both think that you haven't been doing a good job, and if that's the case, maybe I should... Maybe I should just let you go.

I hate to fire you, because in my eyes, you've both been doing so well.

We've been trying our best.

Jolly good show.

Jolly good show.

Yeah, we've been working hard lately, Benson.

I know you boys have.

That's why I want to spoil you with a little treat.

Jolly, jolly good show.

Go on.

Go on and get yourself one.

Better spit on those fingers.

These old hedges aren't getting any younger.

Just a little spin for both of us.

Uh-oh.

Looks like somebody got a reward.

I'm gonna get back to work.

Rigby, you should smile more.

You look so much prettier when you smile.

Now don't tell anyone I told you this, but you're my favorite here.

I think you can go a long way in this company.

Do you think you can be a team player for me, Rigby?

Oh, that cologne is intoxicating.

I don't think I want a gumball, Benson.

I should probably get back to work.

Come on, no one's looking.

You've done so well that I think you deserve two gumballs.

I don't really...

If it's good for me, it's good for you.

There's one.

I think you have a great future here.

You're my number two, you know.

Hey, but don't tell anyone else that.

They'd probably get jealous.

Go on and take it.

You deserve it.

Easy, easy now.

It's tender.

God, you're good, baby.

Go on and get it.

God, you're good, baby.

Go on.

Go on and get it.

Go get back to work.

But hey, can you do me a favor?

Can you have a great day for me?

Hey, Liz.

Hey, John.

You ready for the movie?

Yeah, I've been looking forward to the movies all week.

One second.

I just need a couple of minutes to get some stuff sorted out inside with the animals before I leave.

Garfield, would you come in here for a moment?

Yo.

Yo.

Yo.

Meow.

Meow.

Can you tell me why you decided to get into the lasagna again?

TELL ME WHY YOU THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE OKAY?!

Me- Me- Meow.

Meow.

I'm sorry, John.

I'm sorry.

Why are you speaking to me, cat?

Cats can't speak, can they?!

CAN THEY?!

Meow.

Meow.

Good!

Now make bread!

Make bread like a good cat!

Go on!

Be my little baking boy!

Yeah!

Yeah, there he is!

Something smells good in here!

Baked goods!

Hey, what's up?

Everything going okay in there?

I heard some shouting about a bakery or something.

Oh, yeah, no.

I just ruined a batch of bread I was working on.

I'll only be a second longer.

Homemade bread?

Mmm, that sounds good.

Please, take your time, take your time.

Garfield, she's so nice.

I can't believe it.

Me, John Arbuckle, in love.

Who would have thought?

I don't know, I just...

I got a good feeling about her.

Like she wouldn't judge me, or... Like she would just accept me for who I am.

She wouldn't be such a pain to train like you, Garfield.

Always putting up a fight.

I'm glad those times are over.

I'm just looking for a lady, Garfield.

Someone who will stand by my side, but...

But they're all so stupid!

They pack away at my mind!

They always make things so difficult!

I wonder if she wants a small wedding.

She better not want some big fucking wedding!

That bitch!

That fucking whore!

All they think about is money, all they want is money, money, money!

I'm sure of it.

I'm sure she wants a small wedding.

I'm positive.

Not only a wedding, but I wonder if she wants a big family.

Oh, I hope she wants a big family.

God, I would love a big family.

Somebody to love.

Stop looking at me!

I already fed you!

How much more can I give you?

God damn it!

I don't know, Garfield.

I think she's the one.

I really do.

I really do.

God, the future is looking bright.

Behave yourself.

Hey, sorry about that.

Let's go.

Better not fill up on popcorn.

That lasagna you were talking about sounded good.

Hello?

I just wanted to leave you a message letting you know a little more about the job.

Now, you've been hired to watch over Markiplier's house?

Yeah, he's a big time YouTuber guy.

Have you heard of him?

Now, he's not like other game YouTuber types like your PewDiePies or your Jacksepticeyes.

No, he loves milk.

And frankly, I'll tell you something, he can't get enough of it.

So, uh, I left about three gallons of whole milk in the basement, or was it two?

I don't know.

There should be enough to keep him satisfied for the night, or at least I hope.

But if he runs out of milk, he gets, well, we don't need to go into all that, so be careful for all, you know.

Also, his house is ran on milk energy, so you only have so much power for the night.

But you should be okay.

Just keep checking the cameras and only close the doors if absolutely necessary.

Hello, everybody.

I'm Markiplier.

Oh, God.

I can smell your bones from here.

Sweet, sweet calcium.

I need more calcium.

It's so hard making history every day.

God, I'm so sexy.

Oh, the milkman's being shy in his room.

Oh, you silly cow.

You have all the milk, don't you?

It's so hard being me.

The crowds scream.

And they scream for me.

Glory comes at such a heavy price.

Do I look like a real boy, Papa?

What have I done?

Papa?

Where are you going?

I'm scared.

It should be different.

This isn't what I wanted.

Where's my son?

I know you have him here, you sick freak!

Tell me where he is!

Where is he?

Where's my boy?

I just wanna hug you, Papa.

Come on!

Come on, come on, come on!

Come on!

This isn't right!

He should be normal!

He should be normal!

No, no, no, no, no!

This isn't right!

This isn't right, no!

With the Pharaoh's wish, you will need to...

I already did this!

No!

Apologio, no!

All right, now tell me, what was the last thing you stuck your finger in?

Um, my wife, Steve.

My wife.

Oh, Steve, look at me!

Look at me!

Look at me, Steve!

Steve, look at me!

Look at me!

Steve, it's almost time.

Ha, ha, ha!

Hey, you still haven't fixed the Amamori?

I will, I will.

But first, let me eat this fish.

Come on, Atom.

I know.

But you made delicious food for me.

What's wrong?

I'm sorry, but please take it away.

Can you fix it?

Fix what?

Can you fix it?

Atom, get him out of here.

What?

What's going on?

What was that?

Hey, what's going on?

I don't know what's going on.

Can you fix it?

Give it to me, Colonel!

Let her go!

Amiya!

Amiya!

Amiya!

You bastard!

Where is she?

Where is Amiya?

If you can't take care of your family, how can you take care of your family?

Please!

Give her back to me!

You can't fix it, can you?

Boku wa mainichi kono karaponai e no nankashiro wo kowashiteru.

Dakedo kare wa ichidomu boku no motto ni wa arawarena katta.

Douka... douka... itoushi no amyo to onaji ume wo boku ni ataitekure.

Yeah.

You look cute when you eat those fries.

Now go ahead.

Get a taste of that Big Mac.

It's really good.

Come on in.

The water's just fine.

Oh, come on.

I won't bite.

At least not that hard.

Hmm.

You still haven't tried your Big Mac.

Is something wrong?

I'd hate to see you go home hungry.

Our bathrooms are very clean.

Hmm.

You look like you have to take a tinkle.

Go on, take a couple trips.

I got a 93 Toyota Paseo in the parking lot.

Let's get out of here.

I used to like Logic, you know, the rapper.

But the needle dropper views him so poorly, I just don't really care for his music now.

Well, this is my pad.

It ain't much, but I certainly call it home.

You look pretty thirsty.

Here, have some water.

There you go, sweetie.

I just don't know why you didn't try the Big Mac.

Was it me?

Don't you want to know how succulent it can taste?

How beautiful life can really be?

Don't be afraid.

When you come to your senses, I'll bring you back up.

Be easy with him now.

We really need him to try this big bag.

I have never been a person that can use the restroom in public.

Sometimes I can do a one, but it's impossible to make a two in public.

The strangers moving about the restroom while I'm at my most vulnerable is so terrifying and humiliating to me.

My date with Sarah is going so well.

But I may have to call it quits so I can go home and release this loaf.

It's so painful.

Hey, I'll be right back.

I'm going to freshen up real quick.

Wait here for me, will you?

Maybe I can be quick.

In and out.

Sarah won't even know that I used the restroom.

It's better than stinking up my pants again.

Come on!

Hurry up and leave!

Damn it!

No noise!

That means everyone must be gone!

What the...?

Are you gonna keep us waiting all day?

Why do you play such silly games with us?

Why not release your sweet music into that porcelain ball?

Occupied!

You've been occupying stalls your whole life, rarely giving blessings back to the bull.

But you are no longer in control.

Please, leave me alone!

Do you feel it moving slowly through your intestine?

Go away!

Please, just go away!

Even before the breach, we can smell how selfish your burden will be.

Only giving gifts to the toilet at your home, not to the porcelain of the people.

But you can't hide from it now, can you?

Fine!

I'll do it, okay?

Are you happy?

I'm gonna do it!

Just please, leave me alone!

Uh, Thomas?

Sarah?

Get out of here!

It's not safe!

Thomas, what are you talking about?

No one's in here.

I heard screaming.

What's going on?

Uh, nothing.

Just on a call with my dad.

It's a personal call, okay?

So I'll meet you outside in a second.

All right?

All right, Sarah?

Sarah?

Hello?

Wrong answer, Thomas.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Poor little Thomas.

Can't go boom-boom in public.

Oh, God.

Do you have anything to say before your expulsion, Thomas?

Why are you doing this?

Why?

Why are you doing this to me?

Sarah?

Three... Two...

Please!

Please!

Sarah!

One... Ah!

Ah!

Welcome to Starbucks.

What can we get started for you today?

Um, yeah.

Is pumpkin spice back on the menu?

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, it is.

Okay, great.

I'll take a coffee with some of that yummy pumpkin cream cold foam.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

That will be $6.25 at the window.

Okay, thank you.

Hello, here's your coffee.

The person in front of you paid for your order, so you're all set.

Wow, really?

That's so kind of them.

So many kind souls in the universe.

I'm just so happy the pumpkin spice is back.

Yeah, no, it's certainly popular.

Okay, well, thank you.

Yep, thanks.

Bye.

All right, have a great day.

welcome to starbucks what can we get started for you today hello can i get two iced chai lattes with the pumpkin cream cold foam extra pumpkin sure the total is 12.50 at the first window oh hello again

Vitya white chocolate mocha.

Uh, extra hot, please.

Uh, no whipped cream.

Uh, skin.

Pumpkin spice latte!

No!

Help!

Help me!

No!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Give me that.

Ah, fuck.

what is this it's a it's a white chocolate mocha it was for the woman in front of you bring me pumpkin go back there and get it for me welcome to starbucks what can we get started for you today

Please pull forward.

Ma'am, I don't know if I can give you this drink.

It doesn't seem right.

Welcome to Starbucks.

What can we get started for you today?

Oh yeah, is pumpkin spice back on the menu?

My father loves Big Bang Theory.

He's up late into the night laughing hysterically.

I could never sleep.

Sheldon!

Penny, would you mind if I kiss you?

Sure, Leonard.

This reminds me of the mating rituals of anglerfish.

A rather bizarre way of reproducing.

Okay.

They fuse with their mates in order for the species to survive.

Bazinga.

Anglerfish!

Anglerfish!

Yes!

Yes!

I have to take sleeping pills for any chance of rest.

Yes!

Sheldon!

Sheldon!

Is this a science device here, Leonard?

Uh, Penn needs a calculator.

Bananas contain potassium, and since potassium decays, that makes them slightly... Radioactive.

Forty million years ago, horses first emerged in... North America.

But after...

But after migrating...

Root beer!

Just stay awake.

Just stay awake.

Just stay awake.

For millennia, Native Americans traveled and hunted on foot.

I know I'm awake, but I can't see.

I just hear his voice.

Bears don't really eat honey.

Dad!

Dad!

Oh, I sure do love comic books.

Science.

I sure do love comics as well.

Particularly The Flash or Batman.

Bazinga.

Bazinga.

Bazinga.

Bazinga.

God, these kids suck.

Fox mains are the worst.

You know, I used to be just like you.

Excuse me?

I used to be just like you.

Smelled like shit.

Didn't care if I was out in public or people were gagging or...

But there comes a price with your stench.

Without washing yourself or your clothes.

I know firsthand the price you pay.

Someone help.

It was three years ago.

It was just a normal night of gaming in my room.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I think he took my red buff.

Yep, he's here.

He's here, and I'm dead.

Cool.

I'll be right back, guys.

I'm going to grab something to drink real quick.

AFK.

Michael, we will be home after nine.

Please keep the doors locked and clean up your dishes.

Love, Mom.

P.S.

Your father says you forgot how to use one of these.

Ugh!

What the hell?

Who are you?

What are you doing to me?

Please, let me go.

My dad has a safe upstairs in his closet.

You can take whatever you want.

Please, just let me go.

He left me there in the bathroom, sucking up all my stench and drinking it in front of me.

I haven't touched a game since.

I simply can't smell as bad as I used to.

Whatever.

Such a bullshit story.

Please, you smelly sack of shit.

Just, just take the deodorant.

Get off me, creep.

God, I'm getting out of here.

Please, no, just take the deodorant.

No!

Wait.

No.

No!

Move aside!

Move aside, damn you!

No, no, the deodorant!

You should have taken the deodorant!

No!

Am I done for the day, Blue?

I don't think I can do another clue today.

There's always clues, Steve.

Isn't that so exciting?

I need a break.

Stop licking my face!

Give your dog what he wants!

Be proud of your dog!

It's your dog after all!

Steve?

Blue's trying to show you a clue!

Ah, Steve.

You gotta take these letters out of me, man.

Hey, Steve.

Steve, Blue's trying to show you something.

Hell, you've been ordering a lot of Prime, Steve.

Steve, looks like Blue's trying to show you a clue.

I'm stuffed to the brim, pal.

It's a clue, Steve.

Steve, look, it's a clue.

Just pull one out, buddy.

Just pull one out.

Free me of a letter, Steve.

What?

Hello, Steve.

Hello, Steve.

Hello, Steve.

Steve, did you see the blue's clothes left for you?

How exciting!

I don't, oh God, I don't... Stinky time, Steve.

No, I... Stinky time!

Steve, look!

It's more clues, Steve!

Look, Steve!

It's more clues, Steve!

Oh, fuck.

The mailman's coming, Steve.

Oh, look at all these clues!

Clues, Steve!

They're clues!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Why don't you all just shut the fuck up?

!

I don't wanna do it anymore!

I don't wanna solve these stupid fucking glows!

I don't wanna look at your face!

Your blue hair, your beady, gross eyes!

You disgust me!

You've lost all resemblance to the dog that I knew!

I can't remember the last time I looked at you with any kind of happiness.

I hate you, Blue.

I really do.

You want me to stop clues?

Yeah, you want me to stop clues?

Fine!

Yeah, I'll stop clues now!

Fine, however you take this!

Take it, you cunt!

I hate you!

I hate you, I hate you!

Blue?

No, no, no, no, Blue, please, no.

Give your dog what he wants.

Be proud of your dog.

Trust me, you'll be glad you did.

Please don't leave me, Blue.

Please don't leave me.

Listen, dork!

Don't put your trash on my door, you hear me?

25 cents.

What?

25 cents is all it takes, Kevin.

For what?

Another one of your loser projects?

No.

To see God.

Have you ever wanted to see something so beautiful?

So unattainable.

Where's Johnny?

He's witnessing perfection.

What do you mean?

Matter of fact, where is everyone today?

They are all a part of something far greater.

They have seen something so pure that their hearts can no longer turn.

And it's right behind that door.

Whatever door, just take it and leave me alone.

What?

What is that?

Now... Who wants a jawbreaker?