Pepsiman Rising

Come on, Pepsi Man.

If we don't make it to the vending machine to get a Pepsi, who else will?

These pterodactyls are really trying to obstruct the path to good cola, but it's nothing I can't handle.

That's a wall.

Terrific slide.

Oh, what a beautiful Pepsi vault.

This is just a normal trip to the vending machine.

I remember my first expedition to the Pepsi dispenser.

I had to body slam Stone Cold Steve Austin and slap my grandmother on the way there.

Pardon me, I was told there was Pepsi in this direction.

Oh yeah, now we're feeling it.

Vending machine acquired.

Doomsday is now.

You know, annually, vending machines kill about 13 people per year from falling on them.

I'm about to increase that number right now.

Ultimate finishing mega move!

Moist anus!

There was no hope.

Gotta drop the vending machine too much weight.

Oh yeah, we're taking this shit to the max.

The Pepsi max.

This is the product you ordered from the vending machine, correct?

You did press A5, and that is a vending machine beatdown.

Sweet titties.

It's my arch-nemesis.

The coke captain.

The carbonation king.

But I will stop you right here and right now.

Your bubbly defenses cannot stop my Pepsi justice.

Fuck.

I will open up happiness.

And pour diet Pepsi into your dickhole.

I'll make sure you fizzle out.

Oh boy.

Yeah, my Pepsi rectangle was too big to see where to hit.

No matter.

Ear pop his penis.

Oh fuck.

Oh no.

Here comes Michael Jordan from the free throw line.

He can't be serious.

Oh, it's a slam dunk.

There we go.

Now we're fucking cooking.

This is how it feels to drink Pepsi Crystal.

Nothing too alarming over here, gentlemen, just a big old can of Pepsi.

If you're thirsty, however, I'll quench your thirst by shoving my whole wiener in your mouth.

I ejaculate pure vanilla Pepsi.

an odd place for a pepsi machine but no matter oh yeah fuck red bull pepsi gives you wings gonna go deliver some nutritious refreshments to the astronauts oh boy a bit of a wild ride there gotta puke it out the ceo of coca-cola my nipples dance with excitement much like the actual pepsi company he just doesn't give up oh here it comes

The super-duper wild cherry-charged Pepsi power punch!

No.

How?

How is it possible?

Oh, there it is!

The taste but a salt.

Fuck.

Really running out of energy here.

He just doesn't have the steam to continue.

Looks like he could really go for a nice caffeinated beverage for energy.

Preferably a Pepsi.

Why are you running, bitch?

You afraid?

You can't handle the truth?

Oh boy.

He's charging up a spirit bomb.

Nope, never mind.

Just a big fucking hunk of debris.

I can handle it.

I can handle anything you throw at me.

Bring it!

Wow.

I couldn't handle it.

That was a fucking instant impact.

Looks like I had a Coke zero percent chance of beating him.