The Graham Norton Show S18E03

What do we want?

To start the show!

When do we want it?

Now!

What do we want?

To start the show!

When do we want it?

Now!

Tonight on the show, we've got the stars of the new Suffragette film, and I feel my audience are getting restless.

To start the show!

When do we want it?

Now!

All right, let's start the show!

Good evening, everybody, and welcome.

Good protesting.

Excellent protesting audience.

Very good.

Because the art of protest is still alive and well, ladies and gentlemen.

Yes, a lot of anger at the Conservative Party conference this week.

Here's a young Tory arriving at the venue.

Now, how did they spot he was a young Tory?

And, of course, David Cameron made a rousing speech to conference this week where he had an important message to the party faithful.

One time.

I did it with a dead pig one time.

Let's get some guests on!

Later, we'll have music from Britain's brightest new pop star, Gabrielle Ackman.

But first, this domestic goddess created a whole new style of cooking.

Now she's back with a new book and a BBC series.

It's Simply Nigella Lawson!

There she is!

Hello!

So good to see you.

Lovely.

Lovely.

Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.

Star of To Die For, Moulin Rouge, and an Oscar-winning role in The Hours, she's just made a triumphant return to the stage in Photograph 51.

It is Nicole Kidman!

Whoo!

Hello!

Aw.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

When I dust later, it's true.

It's all true.

Sit, sit, sit.

She's the young British actress who's wowed the world with roles in An Education, Shame, and The Great Gatsby, currently starring in the critically acclaimed movie Suffragette.

It's Carey Mulligan, everybody!

Hello!

Hi!

So nice to see you.

Have a seat, have a seat.

of Emmeline Pankhurst in the same movie.

This actress has won three out of a record 19 Oscar nominations.

She's true Hollywood royalty.

And one of my favorite guests, welcome back, Meryl Streep, everybody!

Yay!

Oh, so nice to see you.

Hello, everybody.

Is everyone well?

You seem very far away.

I am.

Well, you're quite far away, too, but it's a conversational grouping.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, congratulations are in order, because since we last met Carey Mulligan, new little baby.

Yes.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

What did you have?

I had a girl.

A girl.

And minutes old?

When did it happen?

Three weeks ago.

Oh, OK.

So not many minutes old.

OK.

So this must be nice, just getting out of the house.

Oh, you know.

Yeah, I'll go on a chat show, yeah.

very very good now uh obviously there's there's lots of connections on the sofa uh because uh carrie and merrill you're in the same movie together yeah yeah and famously nicole merrill in the hours together but did you ever meet in the hours no no but afterwards yeah i was shocked when i saw nicole in the movie because she stole my nose

It was like, oh, my God.

No, it was really kind of like it, you know?

Didn't you keep the nose?

Yeah, I loved having that nose.

Yeah.

I really did.

I loved my profile.

Yeah.

I liked that one.

And, of course, the other memento you got for the hour was an actual Oscar.

Yes.

Now, this is surprising, ladies and gentlemen.

That was the same year Meryl Streep, not even a nomination.

That's why I got the Oscar.

That is odd, isn't it?

Well, hard for you to talk about.

It was very unusual.

Yes, it was very unusual.

You must be trying on dresses and going, you what now?

Never happened again.

And Meryl Streep, you weren't always Meryl Streep.

What?

Oh.

What do you mean?

No, at birth, at birth, I had to be named Mary because my mother's name was Mary and her mother's name was Mary and her mother was Mary.

I named my first daughter Mary because I'm, you know...

I'm that way.

What is that way?

What do you call it?

Creature of habit?

No, trying to fit in, you know, and make everybody happy in the family, basically.

So, yeah, but my mother's... What was the question?

You weren't Meryl.

What is my name?

You weren't Meryl.

What is your name was the question.

Yeah, I knew that.

I knew that.

I knew that.

I know the answer.

If you're curious...

Yeah, so I was born Mary, and Louise was my mother's best friend, Louise Buckman, so I was named after her.

But I was always called Meryl.

My father's made that name up, and he liked that name, and so I hated it.

I wanted to be named Patty, or Kathy, or that's how they said it in my town, Patty, Kathy, Debbie.

You'd be such a different person if you'd been brought up Patsy, wouldn't you?

I don't know.

Yeah, probably.

Yeah.

But I had glasses, and my name was Meryl.

And it had a P on the end, the street.

It should have been street.

I always wished, why didn't they just put the T on the end instead of P?

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

It's all coming out now.

Nigella, when you just left university, you weren't Nigella Lawson for a little bit, or you had a pseudonym you used?

No, I was a journalist, and I used my name, but I also wrote under a pseudonym.

A rather fabulous pseudonym, actually.

Share it with the crew.

It's kind of inspired my name in the sense of a very ridiculous first name, but a rather pedestrian, workaday surname, and my pseudonym was Mercedes Wainwright.

And what articles would Mercedes write that Nigella wouldn't?

Well, I was a literary journalist.

And at that stage, I wanted to write things that I wouldn't be...

I don't know.

I didn't write for magazines much.

I wrote for newspapers.

So when I wrote for magazines, I used that name.

Mercedes Wainwright Investigates.

Very good.

Because, Carey Mulligan, when you were a young, not an actress yet, you were dreaming of being an actress, you thought you wouldn't go with Carey Mulligan.

No, I thought Carey Mulligan was a bit sort of dumpy.

I like that.

That was a very good noise audience.

Oh, dumpy?

Did she say dumpy?

No, I just thought it was a bit sort of, you know, so I wanted a glamorous name, like Catherine de Najac.

Oh.

Catherine Hathalere.

And I used to work in a pub, and the same four guys used to come in every day between two and five, and I'd ask them to dream up names.

That was the best that we got.

By five o'clock, I imagine they were quite good.

Yeah, exactly.

Nicole Kidman, you had an adorable name when you were little, a sort of pet name.

LAUGHTER

Unless I'm wrong.

If I'm wrong.

You know, wouldn't you call...

I don't know how you call it.

Is it Hukulani?

Oh, no, that's not my pet name.

That's my Hawaiian name.

Oh, I do forgive me.

Yeah, because I was born in Hawaii.

Oh, so does everyone get an Hawaiian name if you're born in Hawaii?

No, but I did.

Okay.

Hukulani.

What does it mean?

It means heavenly star.

But, but, slightly undermines it, would you explain where your parents got the name?

Um, from the Honolulu Zoo, there was a baby, the baby elephant that was born at the same time as me was called Hokulani.

Now, actually, so we, we found, we read about it, so we googled it, there was a picture, this is a picture of Hokulani the elephant.

See?

See the similarity?

My twin!

It's the hour's nose.

No, no, stop that now.

That isn't what I meant.

So we were in the office.

You know, elephants live.

Elephants live.

And I thought, oh, I wonder what happened.

That's amazing.

I've got to get a copy of that.

I wonder what happened.

Is that really the... Wouldn't it be amazing if we had hookah lying out the back?

So we emailed...

We emailed Honolulu Zoo and said, remember Hukulani?

What happened to the Hukulani?

And very kindly, someone, I think her name's Barbara, she found time to email back.

Aloha, because that's what you say.

No, it's not Aloha.

What is it?

It's Aloha.

Aloha.

Hoculani.

Hoculani.

Barbara writes, I am sorry to say that Hoculani died at the Honolulu Zoo on November 13th, 1970.

1970.

Now, you would think, busy, busy, busy running a zoo, I'll stop my email there.

That's all they wanted to know.

No, Barbara continues.

She was found dead in the moat of her exhibit.

This was in 1970 and Barbara remembers it like it was yesterday.

She was found in the moat.

It was speculated that she was pushed in by another young elephant.

Jealous of the mothering attention she was receiving from an older female.

I wish there was a more warm and fuzzy angle to this story.

Good luck with your interview.

Thanks, Barbara.

I would say she's got the measure of your show about right.

I love this dead elephant story.

But now, listen, let's start.

We must talk about the big film tonight, Suffragette.

And Suffragette is a terrific, terrific film.

It opens everywhere on Monday and it tells the story of the Suffragette movement in the 1900s as they fought to get the vote for women.

And I love it because it gets that balance so right between the historical, the political and the personal.

So the tale is sort of told through your journey, Kerry, isn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm a working-class mother, and it's told.

It's sort of set in Bethnal Green in 1912, and it's about the East End militant suffragettes, and I start the story kind of apathetic, kind of conventional, and pretty miserable, and I sort of get drawn into this movement.

Because you don't want to be a suffragette.

No, and I think, like a lot of women then, they felt it was not respectable and dangerous and sort of wanted to avoid it, but she becomes inspired by these women that she meets, and...

And the whole campaign is led by Emmeline Pankhurst, who Meryl plays.

Yes, because obviously you play the iconic Emmeline Pankhurst.

Is there any real footage of her, any newsreel footage of Emmeline Pankhurst?

Yeah, there is.

There are eight seconds of film of her.

It's the only thing I've found.

That's about how long I am in the movie, too.

And, Kerry, you... You had a part in Meryl getting in the film.

She got me the job.

I've seen this actress.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, well, I signed on quite early, and we debated.

Not really debated, but we were trying to figure out, you know, who was going to play Emily Pankhurst.

And I was on a walk with my mum, and she said, oh, well, you know, what if you got Meryl Streep?

And I was like, oh, mum, come on.

Bless you.

We're never going to get Meryl Streep.

And then I mentioned it to Sarah, and I said, you know, well, maybe we should just offer it.

And, like, you know, what does it matter?

You know, we may as well.

And she said yes.

And I was in the bath and I got an email from Sarah Gavron, the director, saying, Meryl's in.

And I dropped my phone.

You know, it was such a huge...

I was so honoured to be in it.

I mean, it's really wonderful and she is fantastic in it.

You really are.

We're going to watch a clip.

This is where Kerry's character, Maud Watts, and Mrs Pankhurst are trying to evade the police.

Edith.

Mrs. P. Dear Emily.

This is Mrs. Watts, Mrs. Pankhurst.

Maud.

Thank you, Maud.

Never surrender.

Never give up the fight.

Don't bother arresting them.

Let their husbands deal with them.

Lock them at their front doors.

The scene where you address the suffragettes, in a way, there must have been something kind of real about that, because you've got all these actresses and extras, women in that crowd, who presumably do, you know, they're geeked, because it's like, Meryl Streep's going to come through that window in a minute.

So did you get a buzz out of it?

Oh, I did, because we didn't rehearse it.

And so they got the crowd together and everybody was there.

All the actresses were lined up.

And I was nervous because, you know, this is my only thing in the movie.

It made you so happy that you were nervous.

It was thrilling to me.

I kept forgetting my lines.

But, yeah, they were very forgiving and they were so excited.

I mean, part of it is that

This is all such really recent history, if you think about it.

It's only 100 years ago.

My grandmother had three little children before she was allowed to vote.

And I remember her telling me how annoyed she was.

Not that she couldn't vote for president, but that she couldn't vote for the school board.

She really cared who was on the school board because it was how her children were going to be educated.

And because people do listen to you, Meryl, they're kind of like, oh, she's speaking with them.

Do you think you might get involved in public office?

Would you ever run for an elected post?

Oh, God, no.

Never.

In fact, I'm just in awe of people who put their lives on the line like that.

Because, especially now, the cost to your family.

to the larger group that you love.

It's almost, I mean, you just offer them on the altar.

But you make movies like this movie, which you really should go see because it does, I mean, so many people do not know the history of what it took for women to get the right to vote and still don't have the right to vote in very many countries.

But that is like being in office, if you want to call it, in the sense of that's your contribution as...

actors and as storytellers is we can put this out in the world.

Yes.

And it's fabulous.

Similarly, your play.

Your play is the same, isn't it?

I mean, it's... Yeah, well, it's different, but it's...

It's overdue recognition for a woman... For a woman scientist.

Yes.

But it's lovely to be in that position, to be able to do that and say, here it is, here's the work, go see it, digest it, talk about it, and keep things moving forward.

I do think we owe it to the world, to women who have no voice.

to get behind projects like this.

Well, it's great.

Really, it's terrific.

Now, Nicole's play.

Nicole's play.

You're so good in it.

I heard you laughing.

There are funny bits.

No, no, did you?

Was it distracting?

No, no, it wasn't distracting.

It boosted me.

I want you to come back.

Was I meant to?

I was.

It was funny when I laughed.

Yes, this funny part.

Yes.

Absolutely.

I'm just saying, you're so good in this play.

It's Photograph 51.

It's on now till the 21st of November at the Noel Coutt Theatre.

Extra tickets apparently have been released.

And now the premise, if I'm being honest, before I went to see it, the premise sounded a little dry.

Well, it's the discovery of DNA.

But in fact, it is a compelling story.

So talk about your character and her path in that discovery.

I play Rosalind Franklin, who was a scientist who was involved in discovering DNA.

She was a crystallographer, and she found this way of...

Anyway, I'm not going to get into the scientific jargon.

I'm like, shut up, Nicole.

Stop.

It's a hydrated sample.

Oh, yeah.

But seriously, it is because there's a race involved.

She took the photograph that basically allowed Watson and Crick to go and build the model for the double helix, which is DNA.

Because it happened back in the 50s, and she has since then been a footnote in history, who rescued her?

How was she rediscovered?

I mean, if you talk to scientists, they know about her.

My father was a biochemist, so he knew about her when I told him I was going to be doing the play.

But in the public, no.

Maybe you know the names of Watson and Crick, who discovered DNA, but you don't hear of Rosalind Franklin.

And watching it, it really struck me that, you know, because you haven't been on, sort of you haven't been in the West End for, is it 17 years or something?

17 years now.

Because watching it, I just thought, oh my, you're so good.

And I just thought, that must feel great.

To be back on stage, kind of going, oh my God.

God, I'm good at this.

Just flexing that theatrical muscle and going, oh, I can read.

I was terrified.

I mean, I remember 17 years ago, I always seemed to come to London to do plays because I love doing plays here.

And I love the theater.

I grew up going to the theater.

And so I kind of jumped in going, yes, I'll do a play.

And then the reality of it, I mean, we rehearsed in a small church hall, which was lovely.

But the fear started to grip me and I was sort of really, I had terrible stage fright where it was pounding heart and adrenaline surging through my body that I don't remember 17 years ago.

So I think because I'm older I've now got different hormones.

Are you enjoying it now?

I now love it.

I love going on stage.

But it was just interesting navigating that fear and still going on and doing the performance and getting lost in the performance, but in the wings, going, how do I get on stage?

And I can understand actors just not getting on the stage, just not getting there.

But I saw Carrie.

I've seen Meryl on stage.

I saw Carrie on stage just, when was it, a few months ago in New York doing Skylight, and she was superb.

I saw Meryl do a cartwheel.

What?

Oh, yeah.

Cartwheel, cartwheel.

But I saw you do Skylight with Will.

Oh, I thought it would be a forward roll or something.

Did you get scared?

Yeah, yeah.

Again, I'm thrilled Nicole Kidman gets nervous as well.

This is making me feel so much better.

This was fear that was like, I mean...

I'm not surprised.

Just the idea of someone going on stage is just so terrible.

But they told me it would go, and it has gone.

But it does seem a weird thing to be built into a job.

You know what I mean?

If a bus driver was scared of bus driving, you'd suggest he didn't do it.

But it's weird.

You know what I mean?

It's weird that you've chosen a job that you're quaking in the wings, kind of go, please don't make me do it.

It's like, why am I doing this?

Don't you get scared before you do a show?

May I present, Lime.

I don't suggest that.

No.

Now, Carey Mulligan, you've had some odd reviews over the years.

What did somebody describe yours?

Oh, no, this wasn't a review.

I try not to read reviews.

I try not to, and then sometimes I get a bit drunk and I'm like, oh, I'll just have a look.

Just Google myself.

You know, when you're, you know.

And, no, this wasn't a review.

I was filming Suffragette, and we had a slow morning.

It was a Sunday, and I got the Sunday papers, and I opened something, and someone was writing about me for no particular reason, just because, and described me as a human balaclava.

And I was sort of hurt, but also really confused.

So that obviously means I'm boring, but, you know.

Does it?

I don't know.

I think you're toasty and intimidating.

What does that mean?

It's a good joke.

But weren't you on stage?

Oh, yes, when I did 40.

Yeah, my first stage play.

I was 19 at the Royal Court, and I was doing a Kevin Elliott play, and it was very serious.

And about four of the review...

I've got quite big hands and quite big feet, sort of manly.

You're staring at me.

A teeny.

I don't know.

They are comparatively tall.

Oh, then I've got monsters over here.

But you're very tall.

Look!

No, no, no.

See?

Oh, actually, you're right, they're freakish.

But about four of the reviews mentioned how big my hands were.

See, when you do that, they do look quite big.

I think I was also acting a lot with them, you know, doing a lot of this.

And, Meryl, you've never had a bad review.

Have you ever had a bad review?

Oh, yes.

No.

Oh, yeah.

How bad?

Well, I remember once in a Woody Allen movie that they said, oh, this is the best performance by a head of hair.

I have really good hair.

Well, I think we have a picture of you, and it is, in fairness, good hair.

That is, see?

Boom.

Upstage by your own hair.

Yeah, exactly.

I used it like a curtain.

I mean...

Sometimes I'd have it this side, sometimes the other side.

I mean, it was a very deep performance.

Oh, dear.

Now, listen, great reviews, I'm sure, are in store, because Nigella Lawson has returned with a new book and a television series.

Simply Nigella.

The book is out now.

The television series starts in... November.

November.

And you, lovely, on cover.

But I do look at it and I think, have you eaten at all?

Did the Okada delivery not come yet?

LAUGHTER

The food in these pages will fill up these bowls.

And they're on the back.

They're on the back.

So what's the thinking behind this?

It seems to be Middle Eastern, a bit Asian, more Asian than before?

Well, I went to Thailand.

That'd be it.

So I had a bit of that.

But it's a bit of everything.

You know, my recipes always are a bit of everything.

I don't have any particular...

I don't know...

I have once had a book with one theme in my Italian book.

But generally, I feel like, you know, there isn't a theme.

Life...

Hasn't really got a theme.

It's kind of how I cook, and I find this easier on those days.

Sometimes I need to eat something out of a bowl so that every...

I've got a chapter called Bowl Food.

Because you know those days when you just want every spoonful to be the same as the one before?

In a bowl, maybe on a sofa.

And everyone's like, you always have to eat at the table.

I love lying on a sofa with a bowl of food.

Fantastic.

I've got a chapter called Breathe.

You know, those sort of things when you buy yourself time and it's easy.

So lots of different things, different sorts of food.

Simple, all of it.

Not as a huge strategy, but because I have no particular skills to make anything complicated.

And nor do I like complicated food.

But sometimes, because I don't really cook, but sometimes I look at a recipe, you know, and there are delicious things, like pulled pork and the tequila lime chicken, and I think, well, I could do all that.

But then often when you look at the pictures in cookbooks, you kind of think, mine will not look like that.

It will not look like that.

But even I, I think, could produce that.

Do you know what we had?

I think I opened the book on that page.

I was like, really?

I'll tell you what happened.

It was too big a white space, and we were really running out of time.

We couldn't do another whole food photograph, so I've got some sweet potatoes I've roasted.

Do you know what?

Can I tell you why I like that?

One, because I don't, I mean...

It's aspirational for me.

No, no, anyway, I don't like food that's been, that's faked up.

I won't, nothing is faked when I do it.

But also, for example, I use a throwaway foil tin to roast things in.

So it's more or less saying, like, this is how normal people cook.

It doesn't have to be that fancy.

And, you know, there are brown bits coming out of the potatoes.

Well, that's what happens too.

You can see a lot in some of those recipes.

Maybe, you know, some things, it's not at its best.

But they're such beautiful photographs.

They're gorgeous.

They're photographs of real food.

Well, Simply Nigella, the book, is out now.

And here's a clip of the TV series, which starts on the 2nd of November on BBC Two.

A tawny tangle of noodles.

And these golden prawns.

I rather love the shards of cinnamon going through it.

Obviously, they're not to be eaten.

Final touch.

The leaves from the shoots of celery.

A friend of mine's father said,

If it goes in it, it's got to go on it.

I said at the beginning that a stir fry was comforting and familiar.

But what this is, is comforting and unfamiliar.

Because Meryl, you played a famous cook, Julia Childs.

But can you cook?

No.

I mean, not until I did that movie.

But I never really understood that you have to make the time.

I was raised by a mother who said, if it's not done in 45 minutes, it's not dinner.

And she also, I remember, when I was 10, I went up the road to the neighbor's house, and she and her mother were in the kitchen, and they were doing something with tennis balls.

And I said, what are you doing?

And they said, peeling potatoes.

I said, those aren't potatoes.

Potatoes come in a box.

They were dry, you know, flakes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Add water.

Delicious.

It's appalling how we ate, you know, then.

But do you know, every single sort of Michelin-starred French chef is obsessed with instant potatoes, cos in France, they're all given it as children, these instant potatoes.

There's not a top French chef who doesn't go completely nostalgic.

I can't remember what they're called in French, but they love them.

Can you still buy Smash now?

Meryl's mother's in.

Now, Carey Mulligan, I look at you, and I don't know why, but I think possibly couldn't boil an egg.

I don't know why I think that.

Wow.

What's wrong with that?

No, no.

Can you cook?

No.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

I'm always Googling, like, what to do if you have salmonella, or, you know.

about things cooking through.

You know, that's a very nerve-wracking thing.

And Nicole, because you've got kids now, so you must cook.

Grilled cheese.

Lovely.

They'll be on a chat show on your Instagram telling a story.

Pasta.

Pasta.

Yeah, but that's all the children ever want to eat.

Oh, getting them off pasta.

But I collect cookbooks and recipes.

I rip them out of magazines and I see them.

And I have folders and books.

I don't ever cook.

Yeah.

One day.

One day.

But I love to be cooked for.

While you're in London.

And with cookbooks, sometimes they can be a bit repetitive.

You know, you see the same things coming up.

I guarantee you, ladies and gentlemen, when you're flicking through the cookbooks this Christmas... Oh, no, what are you going to do?

Well, no, I'm just thinking, I can't imagine there is another cookbook with a recipe for...

pickled eggs actually I'm sure you will find other ones because that is really it's a it's actually a sort of my lazy take on a German way of pickling eggs with beetroot how pretty do they look I thought it looked a bit like 60s fabric yes but you love a pickled egg

What's that story about the pickled eggs?

You ate pickled eggs.

Was it at university you ate pickled eggs?

No, no, no.

It was actually...

Yesterday.

For a bit, no.

It must have been... John was still alive, so I would say it would have been...

I think it was about...

About around 89, 90.

I ate...

He was not well.

We were hard up.

I was...

Someone bet me...

It's such a foolish thing to bet me I couldn't eat something.

Someone bet me I couldn't eat a whole jar, the sort you get in fish and chips, of pickled eggs.

So I said, I said, I'm afraid I went a bit sort of red light district on this one.

I just said, put all the money out.

When I see the money on a tray that everyone, because otherwise people don't pay.

Don't pay.

You've done it for the bet and they won't pay.

So I got, so the money was there.

The money was there, you know.

What's a girl to do?

I don't know.

Baby and a toddler.

How many pickled eggs?

A huge amount.

My hands went completely, you know, that sort of puckered thing if you've been in the bath too long.

I had little ridges all over my mouth.

Ridges like that.

But can I just say, I ate the whole lot and the next morning I got up and I had scrambled eggs for breakfast.

Okay, good.

Alright, it is music time.

This singer has gone from YouTube sensation to one of the UK's fastest rising music stars.

Performing her current single, Sweet Nothing, please welcome Gabrielle Applin.

Think you understand me, but

Wow!

Gabrielle Adler, everybody!

Come and join us, dude!

There you go.

That was fabulous.

Have a seat there beside Nigella.

Say hi to the ladies.

Very good.

Oh.

Oh, very good.

And ladies and gentlemen, a round of applause for all those drummers.

How great were they?

I feel like I've won a competition to be here.

Those drummers are great.

Yeah.

That's fantastic.

That's just brilliant.

And that is off the album Light Up the Dark, which is out now.

Yes.

Yeah, I know what I'm doing.

I know what I'm doing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, what's extraordinary is because you've kind of done all this by yourself from the YouTube to your own label to now.

Yeah.

Yeah, I accidentally set up a label when I was 15.

And yeah, and I was kind of releasing things independently.

And then I got signed and I was able to keep all my previous releases.

That started making money that I wasn't allowed to use on myself.

So I've started putting that into other artists whilst continuing my thing and painting myself with glitter.

No, you look very nice.

I don't feel very sophisticated anymore.

You're a pop star.

You're supposed to look like that.

The album, I'll say it again, Light Up The Dark, are you touring that album?

Yes, so I'm touring UK and Ireland in January, February time.

I'm just looking over there and I'm thinking, that's quite the big boss.

Yeah, I'd just take Johnny, the lone drummer.

Oh, the good one?

Yeah, the good one, yeah.

LAUGHTER I'm joking!

They're all amazing!

They're all marvellous, he's just better.

OK, thank you very much for coming to see us.

Thank you so much for having me.

Good luck with the album.

Gabrielle Aplin!

APPLAUSE

Okay, before we go, just time for a visit to the big red chair.

Who's there?

Hello.

Hello, nice lady.

Hi, Greg.

How are you?

They love you.

You're hugely popular in the audience.

What's your name?

Susan.

Susan, lovely.

And where are you from, Susan?

Originally Yorkshire, now live in London.

Okay, what do you do, Susan?

I'm a professional driver.

A professional driver of a...

Vehicle.

If you need a vehicle moving, Susan can do it.

Yeah.

Would there be people or things in the vehicle?

Anything.

Anything at all.

It's a mystery to Susan.

She never looks back.

She just drives.

Oh, and we'll never recognise the back of your head, so we'll never know.

Was that Susan?

Don't know.

All right, off with one of your tales, Susan, of your life on the road.

OK, about three years ago, I was a special constable in the Metropolitan... You've lived, Susan, I tell you.

OK, yes.

And we were sat in our vehicle and we saw... She loves the vehicle.

We saw a guy in a white van not wearing his seatbelt.

So myself and my colleague, we signalled to him with a hand gesture, please put your seatbelt on.

LAUGHTER Your story could end there, but...

It gets better.

Oh, it gets better?

OK, go.

She looked at us with a very disgruntled face and went...

So we were a bit baffled, so we followed him, pulled him over, and we said, do you realise you've just sworn at two police officers?

Why did you do that?

He said, well, you called me a wanker first.

Anyway, we let him off, put your seatbelts off, and off he went.

He was a happy chap.

Oh, very good.

Well done, too.

Do you want more?

Come on.

Have a seat, though.

It could have stopped at the seatbelt gesture.

We didn't really need the following.

Yeah, that was the best bit.

Yeah, it was very visual as well.

Okay, who's up next?

Hello, sir.

Hello, Graham.

Hi, what's your name?

Andrew.

Andrew.

You're from New Zealand, Andrew?

No, originally from the UK, but moved to Australia about six years ago.

Okay, okay.

He's really picked up the accent, hasn't he?

He has.

Yes.

He's only six.

And you still live in Australia?

Yes, with my wife.

Oh, he's got a wife.

All right, back off, everybody.

I saw you all looking at him like a piece of meat.

No, he's married.

He's got a wife.

Totally married.

He lives with her.

I'm sorry, Andrew.

Go on with your story.

Well, so I moved out to Australia and... We know that.

To be with my wife.

All right, we know that.

And we were staying with with her parents at the time and they had a dog and two cats and one of those cats happened to be my wife's favorite and the cat favored her too and she used to sleep in bed with us and she used to sleep at the top of the bed and on the pillow next to her head and one night we were sleeping No one wanted to hear the rest of that story

No, I was saving him from himself.

No.

I want to hear him.

No, it's a, no, it's a, no.

Bring him back.

No, no.

All right, we're going to hear the rest of our story.

Where is he?

Here he is.

All right.

Okay, now this is by royal command.

Nicole Kidman has to ask for this, so you better be good.

Off you go.

So, let me just say, we've got as far as the cat's on the pillow.

Cool.

So the cat's on the pillow, we're sleeping away, it's nice and dandy.

The next thing, we're woken up by a dry retching sound like...

Fantastic, this is so good.

So I woke up in my half-sleep days, gave it a little stretch, bit of a yawn, and then next thing I knew, my mouth was filled with half...

You wanted to hear that!

You wanted to hear that!

You've upset Meryl, Nicole.

You've upset Meryl Streep.

That's the sort of story that sticks with you.

You don't miss.

Shall we try one more?

Hello.

Hiya.

Hi, what's your name?

Lauren.

Lauren, lovely Lauren.

And where do you live, Lauren?

I live in Swansea.

Swansea, marvellous.

And what do you do for a living?

I work in retail.

In retail?

Yeah.

That's posh for sure.

What sort of retail, what might you sell?

Clothes, women's fashion, that sort of thing.

Oh, yeah.

It's a clothes shop.

Okay, off you go with your story.

Okay, so about three years ago, I went to London to go to the premiere of The Iron Lady to try and meet Meryl.

Oh, my God.

So I took my mum and my best friend.

We kept missing her as she was, like, making her way through the crowds, and my mum got fed up with the cold and went into the National Theatre.

By the time we found her, she was drunk.

And when I say drunk, I mean steaming.

Your mother or me?

Yeah, my mother.

LAUGHTER

So we went to, like, take my mum back to the hotel, but we went past the Premier again and she was talking to the security guards and she told them that she was their undercover boss and secret millionaire.

But they believed her.

We met, Meryl came out to the after party and was like, she got into her car and we were like, oh, it's fine, we've seen her, I'm so happy.

And the window was down a bit in the front of the car and we were all like, oh, I'm so cold, I'm so cold.

And Meryl got out of the car and came and meet me and my friends.

And my mum was like, oh, thanks, Meryl, babes.

I was like, mum, just, we're taking you home now.

You can walk, you can walk.

Well done.

He came out of that story very well.

Very good.

Well done, everyone.

If you'd like to join us on the show and have a go in that big red chair, you can just contact us via our website at this very address.

Thank you to my lovely guests tonight.

Gabrielle Applin, everybody!

Nigella Lawson!

Nicole Kidman!

Gary Mulligan!

And Meryl Streep!

Whoo!

Join me next week with another great lineup.

We've got Dawn French, Chris O'Dowd, Rachel Weisz, Rob Stewart, and Colin Farrell.

I'll see you then.

Good night, everybody.

Bye!